Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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