He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
