I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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