some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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