I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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