You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize