stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
