why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
