Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
