Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
