I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm really busy with my period
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