I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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