good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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