Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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