I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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