Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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