oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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