I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
