he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
