I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i will never coherently bang her
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
