Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
