look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
