I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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