Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My bed smells like the plague
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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