Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
