I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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