why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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