What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize