Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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