How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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