I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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