My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
