Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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