I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
