i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
