She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
