Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
