Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
