Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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