Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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