Kiss
Puke
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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