I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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