$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
