You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
