Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
