Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
