Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
