Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
