____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
nutella sex= disaster
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
