bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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