He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
