i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
