someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
