i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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