No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
