He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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