This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
