Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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