Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
