It's Friday. Sex?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
