My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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