I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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