i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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