my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
