I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
