Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
