8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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