I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
