I looked at my own cervix.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
