put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
two words...techno handjob
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
