sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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