how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
