I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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