I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
