Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
