Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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