idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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