so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
