I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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