I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
