This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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