I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
