Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
