U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
