Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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