Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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