tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
