and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
