I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
