i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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