Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
