Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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